anyway- time went on and high school came and i made friends with other people... but i mostly clung to jeremy, my high school boyfriend (who turned out to be gay). those popular girls were still around, and i guess i still wanted to impress them, but i didn't push the issue. i cared, but it wasn't at the forefront anymore, i guess. i developed a really tough exterior. i was good at not letting anyone in. i could date someone for 2 weeks and dump them without another thought. i actually told one boyfriend that i needed more space. (people who know me well today would know how crazy that is for me).
on comes college, i ended up making friends with GIRLS! it was crazy. i still don't know how it happened. i guess the image i had the whole time i lived in albany and went to school with the same people K-12th was erased when i went to mercer. i got to be a new person. and people accepted me. but of course the damage was already done... and i see rear its ugly head all the time. i have no confidence when it comes to making friends with other girls. i really haven't made any friends on my own since i've lived in albany. i use whatever guy i'm dating and his friends as my social life. so whenever i get dumped, i'm back to zero. i would never just call someone up and ask them to do something, because i always assume that people don't like me. that's my overall feeling- people don't like me. girls don't like me. boys... boys, i can handle. that's a whole different can of worms though.
enough rambling about my lack of self-esteem. i asked megin, cynthia, and john what was extraordinary about me. so far megin has responded. this is her list:
- i have a knack for trendy/stylish things... not just clothes, but decorating too
- the strange way my family relates to each other
- my level of commitment to all the things i'm involved with
- my makeup stays on all day because i have nice, non-oily skin (hahaha)
- i'm a great teacher (she only assumes this, since she's never witnessed i
what i like about myself:
- my sense of humor
- i am quirky and unique
- i'm a good speller
- i'm a good writer and journal keeper
- i love cats- all of 'em!
- i can wiggle my ears.
- i can sing crazy high. notes only dogs can hear.
- i can sing and play the piano... even at the same time
- i'm great with kids and kids love me. i love being "miss whitney" and even "ms coleman"
- i'm great at doing my own eye makeup.
- i like being creative and crafty.
- i'm a gifter. i love buying little gifts for people.
- i love writing and receiving hand-written notes and letters.
- i have a really good "teacher look," you know, "the eye."
- i like my handwriting
- i like my big boobs. (can i say that?)
- i'm getting better and more flexible at yoga.
- i can keep duple against triple rhythms superbly.
- i have a "cute" personality.
- i make a mean broccoli casserole.
- i'm smarter than the average bear.
- i like to read.
- i like to see oscar award-winning movies, but i also love girly chick flicks.
- i went to public school.
- i have a masters degree.
- my classroom is always super cute and fun.
- i have a wonderful owl collection and i love all things owl.
- i'm a good friend (despite being told the opposite by my freshman roommate).
- i have an undying Target obsession. i could go there daily.
- i once ate 5 hotdogs and 2 plates of crawfish in one sitting. i was about eleven.
- i can sing the names of the 50 states in alphabetical order.
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