a list. of 8 things.

i'm not even sure what i'm here to write about today. i just want to keep this blog updated better than I did the last time. i used to be such a faithful blogger! maybe i'll make a list for you...

1. i am hormonal and crazy this week. i'm ready for it to end.
   
2. i wish john could get better quicker. my mom says i have no room to complain.
   
3. i am so poor. and this month my paycheck starts getting cut for the 10 furlough days my county is giving us. i've never had to be such a penny pincher. last week i ate every piece of bread i had, even the hard ones at the end. usually i would just throw it away and get a new soft loaf. i also stopped buying organic milk. and i'm not even trying to buy healthy food because i might not eat it before it goes bad. so i'm only buying the things i know i'll eat.
   
4. elton's birthday is tomorrow. that's john's dog. he'll be six. i got him a present.
5. i started using my curling iron again recently. i had gone totally straightener, but i decided to try something new. it didn't go as hoped, but still okay.
   
6. i'm realizing i know so little about john's past relationships and wondering if that's a good or bad thing. i can be a very jealous girl. the one time he said something about an ex-girlfriend in a story, i felt like someone punched me in the stomach.
   
7. on monday nights i go to yoga, then to the store, then get dinner to-go from moe's. i like my routine. john likes routines too. currently our routine is to hangout on thursday nights watching project runway (we're pulling for mondo!), see each other after the game on fridays, have a date saturday night, and watch tv (now desperate housewives) on sunday nights. it's a vast difference from when i only saw him once a week.
   
8. i'm trying to work on how i might react to a change in this routine. like, if john decided he felt too tired to hang out on a thurs or saturday night. i would be so disappointed and my initial reaction would be to lay on the couch for long periods of time. that shouldn't be how it is though. i should just say okay and do something else, something else i enjoy. i don't think i'm there yet, but that's the goal.
   

that's all for now.

in the groove.

i kind of feel like i'm finally hitting my "groove" in albany. i love becoming more social and meeting people who are potential albany friends. i went to a birthday dinner last night at los vaqueros. i ended up sitting by a girl that i've seen at my yoga class before. she was actually one of the "birthday girls." she seemed really cool.

i am getting my house together finally. i painted my bedroom from green to a deep beige (called coffee for some strange reason) and i LOVE it! it looks so amazing. i'm so ready to get curtains hung, new blinds picked, art hung on the wall, etc. i also bought this thing to hang on the wall to organize all my necklaces. they're always in a tangle, so i end up not ever wearing them or wearing the ONE that i keep out of the tangle for a few months. i've decided i want to paint the hallway light gray. i think it would be really cool. not much of my furniture matches gray though, so i thought the hallway would be a good place for it. the hardest thing to decide on is the living room/dining room/kitchen. they're all pretty connected, but i don't know that i want to paint all of it one color. it's the main living space of the house, so i want it to look awesome- but i'm failing miserably. not only is it not cute but it smells like cat pee. andy's favorite spot to pee was underneath the large front windows.

my boyfriend has a recently diagnosed heart condition. he went to the doctor and the medicine is working, but he was disappointed to hear he'll be on medication forever. he's really down about all of this and it makes me feel like an inadequate girlfriend. i can't make him happy. and even though i know the depression and sadness is not about me, it's still hard on me. i want to make things all better and i can't.

i'm trying to work out my neediness by creating a life of my own that is about way more than a boyfriend. i feel like i'm making progress. but i'm a long way from normal.

make new friends, but keep the old. one is silver and the other gold.

i went out again last night. at 9 pm, when i'm usually getting in bed, i met up with some girls at the levee. the levee is this music place where they have lessons and classes and stuff, and they have live music on thursday night. sara, the leader of my small group last year and someone i've known forever, and her friends go there most thursdays. she told us about it on tuesday so i asked if i could meet up with them. it was pretty fun, but kind of too loud to actually make conversation. but i guess i'm making progress. the girls seem cool and down to earth, not like mean junior league girls. i guess these are "my people" as dr. kaiser would say. oh, and i'm going to dinner with a big group of people on tuesday night again. we're celebrating a few different people's birthdays @ los vaqueros. i was told i could invite john too, but he probably has band stuff. i can't believe how social i'm being. it's kind of crazy.

this weekend i'm going to paint my bedroom. i'm not looking forward to the work, but i'm looking forward to the outcome. i'm so tired of that ugly green that doesn't match my stuff. it should be a step towards making my house what i would actually like it to be.

my mom just sent me an email about the place we're going next weekend. it's the len foote inn. you have to hike to it. i'm so not excited. the website says no cell phones too!! they're already taking me away from john and now i can't even text him either! i'm sure he'll love the time off :(
i told my mom i was already planning to not have fun. mom says they're trying to work out going to the outlet mall while we're up in north ga. i guess that's an attempt to appease me. it might work. my next date with john isn't until september 18th! that makes me so sad!!! it better be a darn good date too. i'm gonna see john tonight after the football game. actually, i'll see him during the game because i'm going- but he won't see me. it's kind of like spying on him. i've only gone to one football game while dating him and it makes me feel sooooo proud. i feel like my heart will just burst out of my chest.